Chin Up, Smile
by melodygrants
Summary: Mellie's thoughts finally aren't racing, but at what cost? One-shot set directly after Mellie's rape


_"Good god, you're a beautiful woman."_

Mellie's thoughts weren't racing for the first time in weeks.

The last few weeks had been a whirlwind of political strategizing; taking every opportunity to propel her husband forward and simultaneously make him feel like he was worth something more than a military career that he didn't want to discuss anyway. Of course, Big Jerry wasn't being so helpful with that aspect, but she couldn't think about that right now.

_"Do you really want me to stop?"_

God, she'd just wanted to get him on their side! That's all she was there for, to get him on their side! And sure, when he'd dropped that bombshell about that airplane shooting she was surprised. She couldn't pretend that she wasn't. But she also tried to understand, to see the bigger picture. They could work with this. She'd promised Cyrus that by tomorrow morning Fitz would be ready to work, and she wouldn't let this stop them. The military angle wasn't the way to go, then. Plain and simple.

What wasn't so plain and simple was the way he held her down even as she fought back.

What wasn't simple was the way he covered her mouth when she screamed.

What wasn't simple was the way that the minute he ripped her dress, her pantyhose, the minute he started... _raping_ her, she stopped fighting. She went cold and numb and stopped. Fighting. She let it happen. She did, how could she-

Mellie leaned against the wall directly outside the room in which her husband was sleeping. She tried to take a deep breath, but it came out shaky and just seemed to make her want to cry. She couldn't blame herself for this. She knew that rationally. But right now all she could think of were the "if only"s.

If only she'd fought harder.

If only she'd screamed louder.

If only she'd run the minute he called her beautiful.

If only.

All these "if only"s and not-so-simple things added up to one simple fact. Big Jerry had raped her.

Mellie took one more deep breath and slowly opened the door. He would be asleep, Fitz, her loving husband who she couldn't even dare look in the eye right now, let alone get into bed with. She would creep in quietly, take a shower, wash away the evidence and her thoughts, and crawl into bed without him even noticing.

And then that damn creaky floorboard ruined her plan.

"Mels?"

Her heart skipped about ten beats.

"Where you been?"

She tried to keep her voice steady, but to no avail.

"Um, I- I was talking to my father on the phone?"

Chin up, smile. It came out sounding more like a question, but also normal, cheery. Everything she wasn't.

Her husband rolled over and sat up. "In Asheville?"

"Yeah, he was up late. He wanted to say hey to his baby girl."

Her heart was racing with terror and she knew if he came any closer she would lose it. Lose her mind and her composure and her sanity.

"Well come to bed."  
>"I really just want to take a shower first."<br>"No, come here."

_"Do you really want me to stop?"_

Mellie closed her eyes and swallowed hard, thankful that the room was dark.

"I really just wanna-"  
>"No, come here."<p>

Obviously this act was getting her nowhere. So she would try a new one. Blank, cold. Don't feel anything. Mellie moved like a robot over the bed. It took every bit of her strength to even sit down on the edge of the mattress, and the last remaining bit not to scream in utter terror when he pulled her into his arms. She gasped a little, but that was better than shrieking and pushing him off her, which is exactly what she wanted to do right now.

"Maybe we should just go home tomorrow."

She just wanted him to shut up, to stop talking and fall asleep so she could escape to somewhere alone, to process, to compose herself, to save the broken pieces of herself before the fragments became shattered.

"Yeah, let's do that."

Her voice sounded hollow, shaky, but she didn't care. She couldn't.

"Just once I wish my father would apologize. If he did that- just once..."

His arms were around her and his head was on hers and she wanted to cry and scream and throw up and push him off her and just take a goddamn shower please please pleasepleaseplease-

"I think I'd make a hell of a governor."  
>"Yeah, I think you would too."<p>

She had to whisper it. That was all she had left.

All the terror she had ever felt in her life was nothing compared to what she felt right here, right now. She let herself cry, not the racking sobs that she needed to let out so desperately but slow, silent tears. She needed to feel SOMETHING.

Yes, for once Mellie's thoughts weren't racing. They all had one track. Complete, utter, unspeakable terror.

**So that was just a quick one-shot set directly after the rape. It's definitely not my best, but I'm working on a longer Mellie fic that'll actually have multiple chapters. And hopefully I'll actually finish that one. So look out for Deceptively Yours coming soon, and enjoy this little incentive while you wait! PLEASE give me any feedback you can. (try not to judge too hard though, I swear the longer fic will be 1405857494 times better!)**

**-xoxo, Anna (melodygrants)**


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